Things I Don't Believe In
One: Mutual Breakups. They just don't exist. Have you ever broken up with someone and had it actually be a mutual decision? If you answered yes, you are a liar and you were the clingy one who wanted the relationship to go on and on and on. In every instance there is one person who would rather not let go, but when their girlfriend/boyfriend brings up the breakup they coyly say, "Oh, yeah, I agree, we should see other people. I was actually planning on talking with you about that very same thing." This desperate attempt at a cover-up fools no one. This person no doubts agrees to be be "just friends" all the while holing him/herself in a darkened bedroom playing the most depressing collection of mix cd love songs.
Two: Global Warming. Yeah, suck on that Smithfieldman!!! It doesn't exist. I have seen the movie Day After Tomorrow and I know where your BFF Al Gore got the plot for his 'documentary' An Inconvenient Truth. I also know how it ends...with more snow and wolf attacks in NYC. I am unimpressed. I sincerely wish that global warming did exist because my life would be easier if it were a little warmer around here. I also wouldn't mind if the water level rose a bit. I like the beach, but sadly it will never happen.
I also have Tyra Banks theories but they will have to wait for another post...so six months from now be prepared.